This blog post does carry bias, I have no interest in being objective or presenting a balanced perspective, but despite my declaration I’ll still attempt to seduce you into the boudoir of my thought process, as the inspiration for this post was sparked from a conversation I overheard last week…
Young female A: “He actually asked you to cook for him?”
Young female B: “Can you believe it! He came to my flat, said he was hungry and asked if I could make him something to eat!”
Young female A: “Oh my God! What did you tell him?”
Young female B: “I told him to p%$$ off! There‘s no way I was going to cook for any man, I’m too independent for that!”
“Too independent to cook?” I thought to myself “how can this be?” I was both amused and confused because one of the definitions you will find of the word independent is: not relying on another for aid or support.
So how is it possible to be an independent person and not posses the life skill that will help you to achieve and maintain independent status? I’ll bet, when our primitive ancestors first discovered how to create and control fire, one of the first things they did was flame grill the meats they were able to gather and there is good evidence to suggest that it was cooking the food that allowed humanity to thrive and our brains to develop over time.
There is no real historical evidence that can pin point what inspired group of people started to experiment with complimentary herbs, spices, textures or tastes but there is something more uplifting than an Obama speech and more magical than a David Blaine illusion, when people sit around a table and eat good food for a collective, communal experience.
Throughout history both men and women have been credited for their love of cooking and preparing food, however issues started to simmer (bad pun intended?) when it became the societal norm for cooking to become intrinsically linked to gender, as undeniably there was a time when the expectation to cook was placed humans who had two XX chromosomes. It’s a little scary to think there are parts of the world where that expectation still holds true, so I can understand why Young female A, might spit in the eye of expectation at the thought of cooking for a man…but that doesn’t mean I agree with it…
If “a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” I can tell you with great certainty knowing if a potential love interest could out cook Rachael Ray didn’t even crack the top ten on my list of most desirable relationship qualities, but that’s not to say that it isn’t an admirable skill.
In a world filled with a vast array of restaurants, fast food outlets, home delivery services and microwavable meals, we are living in a time where food is no longer used for the sole purpose of preventing hunger. Food is a connection to our ancestry, a way of sharing and experiencing different cultures, a creative opportunity or an expression of appreciation, whether a meal takes two hours to prepare on the stove or two minutes to warm in the microwave.
I’m eternally grateful to live in a time where women are no longer bound by societal expectation to stay chained to a purely domestic existence, I don’t want modern man to assume cooking is a gender based expectation for modern woman…but…I want to live in a world where modern woman doesn’t confuse not cooking for modern man as a sign of independence.
I write this as a man who was raised in the loving embrace of a loving mother, aunts, grandmother and great-grandmother whose ability to touch the stomach of my soul with food that sent my taste buds into new realms of unparalleled discovery; a legacy I attempt to continue when I cook for my own children, fiancee and friends.
All I ask is despite the imbalanced historical gender expectations of the past, cooking should be seen as a human skill that every man, women and child should have an opportunity to explore, at least once, and even if we can’t take the heat we’ll all attempt to stay in the kitchen.
Until next time.
I know that’s right.. what real woman wouldn’t love for her man or friend to ask her to cook for him.. and believe me I’m all for equal rights but I still wanna be treated like a lady hold door 🚪 open for me etc.. but I’m always gonna show my man respect.. she probably didn’t know how to 👨🍳.. 😂😂😂
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After a long day at work, I don’t want to run straight into the kitchen BUT I do think that good food connects us all as a way of sharing and expressing appreciation to one another.
It’s a real shame I can’t cook something for everyone that takes the time to read this post! Thanks for the comment annjekins!
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I’m just saying it’s takes nothing away from womanhood by cooking for a friend or your boyfriend.. even my friend girl enjoys cooking for me.. to each his own I guess..
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I agree! 😊
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😊
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I just love this..I totally agree with you Tyronne on so many points. Indeed the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach…call me old fashioned, but I live and maintain that what also completes me as a woman, is the fact that I can cook and that I love cooking. For me personally as a true woman, it is so important to be able to show love to all around me, with good home cooking…lovely piece 🖒
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Good food is everything to me! I’m so lucky that I’ve had some great food cooked with love in my lifetime. I don’t want any man or woman to miss out on being able to express their love through food 😀
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Absolutely I concur…food, especially good food does wonders and indeed its elevating to be able to express love through food 😆
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You’re right…it’s a HUMAN skill to cook and it is not gender specific. There’s nothing wrong with a man asking a woman to cook or vice versa. I think the issue is more if it is expected of them because of their gender.
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There is so much joy to be had when you cook or bake something that another person can enjoy…it actually feels good! Thanks for the comment Nena 😊
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I agree! It is one of the reasons why we (hubby and I) love cooking at home:)
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Hello,
Pleasure to meet you and thank you for visiting my blog page and having a follow, I appreciate the support. I enjoyed the read, definitely very talented writer. I look forward to reading more post from you.
Shay-lon
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Thanks Shay-lon for for your kind words. I have loved reading the fitness advice you give. 👍🏾
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I find this one really interesting. Women are or used to be generally known as the person who cooks for the family but professional chefs were or used to be generally men. Mad world
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It’s crazy to think that something as essential as cooking could be assigned to one gender!? Cooking great food should never be limited to any one gender or group…Preparing/cooking food is too important for that! 😊 Although I love food so might be bias.
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times are changing and I’m proud of that. My partner cooked me dinner for the first last night, it was lovely and a real treat! x
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Times are changing! And it’s great that your partner cooked you a meal. I think we should all be able to cook a little something 😊
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it is nice to do that for our loved ones. all the best to you and great article x
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Ty, a phrase popped into my head while I was reading this. I don’t know if you’ve heard it? It’s “Cupboard Love.” My mum used to say it to her cat when it gave her attention. Because the cupboard was where its food lived. 🙂
Yep, no harm in cooking for a guy if he’s hungry… I can’t see any harm in that at all, it’s not anti-feminist or anything like that. But… what’s wrong with both cooking for each other? I wonder, if that girl had gone to the guy’s flat and asked for food, whether he’d have been bragging to his mates afterwards about refusing her.
Years ago, my bloke moved in and expected me to look after him full time. Hmmm… I decided that it wasn’t going to happen. So I said to him “let’s alternate. One day you cook, the other day I’ll cook.” And d’you know – we’ve stuck with that. The only time we don’t is if the other is ill. To me, that’s a partnership.
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Amen to that Val! As a male I’ve enjoyed food prepared by females for most of my life…and I love it! But I’m also not afraid to step in the kitchen and prepare a meal for any woman. Some people may no enjoy cooking, which is fine, but I think all men and women everywhere should learn such a valuable life skill.
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I think her issue may have been cooking FOR HIM, not cooking altogether and him asking was seen as a typical “You’re a woman. You go in kitchen” caveman comment. But see, I was raised southern. You don’t have people at your house without trying to feed them. So I would’ve fed the man anyway lol. Not because he’s a man and it’s my job to serve him. Not because I’m a woman who belongs in the kitchen. But because he’s a guest in my house. It’s different that he asked but there’s so many situations where that could’ve been totally normal. I think this young woman did what I see a lot of young women doing: she’s striving to exercise her “independence” and free will as a woman so much that she’s exerting control over areas where it isn’t needed. You want to be independent? Fantastic. Financially support yourself, get your own place, pay your own way. It’s still generally expected that you offer your guests food and beverages though lol.
Cooking is a human trait. 100% agreed. The whole point (I think anyway) is to balance the scales, not reverse them entirely. There will always be people who go to extremes though. Thank you for sharing!
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I can tell you now that if you were a guest in my home that food is a a form of expression, dare I even say a way to show love. I agree with you it should not be an expectation based on gender, but food is soooooo good it would be a shame to lose that skill just to prove independence, when we all need to be able to cook, which is a life skill to keep independent status.
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Agreed. And it’s absolutely an expression of love! If i love you I cook for you. That simple. And if you’re my guest. Regardless of gwnder
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