“Something has gone wrong. Very wrong. And we have to fix it.”
A very dramatic opening line in an interesting article written by Sophia A. Nelson entitled Why Don’t We Talk Anymore? Although the article is a few years old now, the content still has relevance within the vast digital ocean in which we try to swim. If that wasn’t enough Ms Nelson hits pretty hard with the first paragraph…
“We simply do not talk anymore. We text. We e-mail. We post on Facebook. We tweet on Twitter. And it is destroying our ability to effectively communicate in our work relationships, in our marriages, in our dating life, in our relationships with our friends, kids, nieces and nephews, with our parents, and our siblings.”
I’m lucky enough to recall owning an original Nokia 3310 which could only make calls, text and allow me to play a state of the art 8-bit game called snake. It’s fair to say we’ve come a long way since then, but never forget we are still figuring out how to navigate technology assisted, social interactions.
According to our best estimates, humans have been mulling around on this rock for approximately 200,000 years and during that whooooooole time digital based social interactions emerged in the 1990’s/early 2000’s. I’m no maths genius but this means the existence of social media makes up roughly 0.005% of the collective human experience. It may not feel like it, but we are all infants taking our first steps within a digital world and we are still learning how to understand the benefits and consequences of social engagement, in a totally new landscape.
Although there are differences, there is still some common ground between the physical and the digital, whether you meet a significant other through Tindr, Bumble, Zoosk, eHarmony, Match, speed dating (remember that?) mutual friends, at a bar, at work, on the train or through common interests; we all set out to make lasting first impressions to showcase the best of ourselves.
My relationship skills were crafted and honed in a time when social media was in its infancy; this put me in the delicate situation of having to directly withstand the shockwave of acceptance or rejection. If I had more opportunities through technological assistance, it would have been far easier to send a direct message, not have to memorise a phone number or swipe my way to a perspective dinner date within a two-mile radius.
The short and long-term connections I formed were clumsy and accidental; I couldn’t have used an app even if I wanted to because my instinctual reactions were grounded in a real world environment, which never allowed time for premeditated criteria to develop. I thrived best in the physical, multi-sensory real world because that’s how I triumphed and failed within the rules of seductive engagement.
Using technology to attract a person is an instrument I never really learned to play, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the sound. Had I been born the year *NSYNC released their self-titled debut album (1998, for anyone who cares?) this would be a very different post because I would have been able to hone my craft with digital tools at my disposal.
I don’t think we’ve stopped talking, although technology has assisted in putting us in a space where we don’t need the crutch of dialogue to prop up communication. It is totally okay to be in good company without needing empty words to fill in the silence.
Sometimes there is a tendency to romanticise the past; remembering the “good ol’ days” through a soft lens, but every era comes with highs and lows…right? Perhaps there was a formalised courtship process in days gone by; a set of rules a man would abide by in pursuit of a lady. Meeting the parents, walking your date back to the door, paying for the first meal but these are malleable concepts that can still be applied, even today!
This is not an attempt to dismiss the experiences of Sophia Nelson, yet I didn’t want to be so easily seduced by the body of her writing style. I thought I’d go out into my own reality and observe the state of play. I was in London’s Hyde Park over the bank holiday weekend and objectively witnessed an eclectic mix of couples; old, young, gay, straight, athletic, obese, tall, short, black and white engaging in genuine face to face “old skool” conversation.
It’s an undeniable truth, we are increasingly using messaging services, e-mails and texts to communicate, but I’m not sure if that spells the end of human interaction as we understand it today, simply because technology has given us more options to utilise.
Are relationships really any worse now than in the past? Was communication between people better in 1918 than 2018? I don’t know…but what I do know is I don’t believe our species is doomed due to the symbiotic relationship between the physical and the digital. It’s not how we ignite the spark it’s how we sustain the fire because that’s where the real work begins.
Until next time.
Illustration by Jeff Ostberg. No copyright infringement intended.
I agree! Technology has propelled us into a science fiction future, but I don’t believe it has dampened our communicating abilities. If anything, it has helped in some ways. People who are usually quiet and keep to themselves in the real world, can talk to anyone about anything online.
We are all connected so that now we can communicate globally. It’s far easier to learn, understand and communicate with a new culture without having to travel thousands of miles and spend thousands of dollars.
We’ve also gained the ability to think before we speak. Sure, people still say ridiculous things online, but we are often forced to read, re-read, and proofread, what we want to say before we say it. In the real world, it’s societal norm to speak at a reasonable pace, and for those who aren’t as quick or are more methodical, they can be considered odd for taking too long of a pause before responding or choosing to not respond at all.
In the end, lack of communication is not the problem with today’s technology. There may be many, but NOT talking??? Definitely not on the list.
Good piece!!
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Thank you, I couldn’t agree more, I didn’t even mention the people I see talking on their phones for hours.
But I agree that we have gained so much more than we’ve lost. 😊😊😊
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True!
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Fabulous article Tyron! You know this stuff is right up my alley! I am becoming very conscious of the way people in public spend every second of their time on their phone or tablet (scrolling, texting etc, not talking). I feel as if they are missing out on being present in the world around them. I will read the linked article with great interest!
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Technology does impact on the way we communicate, but I think technology provides more communication options, so we have more choices on how we engage, but I don’t think the art of communication is dead just yet? 😊😊😊
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Wow the writer of the article is spot on and I think she’s right
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It’s certainly interesting, as technology shapes the way we interact, but I think there are still ways to relate/meet people in a physical setting and sustain good communication, we don’t have to use technology…it’s a choice…that I don’t think is all bad. But I certainly acknowledge her experience and will ponder this situation a little more.
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Interesting article!
Technology does impact communication and as well alot of other things.
Technology has a huge impact on jobs as well.
I believe technology is a blessing and a gift at the same time
Good post!
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I believe technology is a blessing and a *curse at the same time
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Thank you, I agree that technology is a double edged sword. 😊😊😊
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I loved Snake!
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I agree, I don’t think we are talking any less. Obviously there are those who abuse it and ignore person to person interaction in exchange for having their head in their phone, but they are usually teenagers (who would be ignoring you with or without the phone) and people that are rude (ish) by nature anyways.
I think technology has increase how much we talk, yes it’s not always verbal but in the past you couldn’t talk to your friend across the world everyday with the same ease you can now. People message each other none stop. I think we interact more.. and as long as you don’t neglect person to person conversations and are present in them, I think it’s great.
Although I do hate (!) people that are always looking at their phone.. that you have to repeat the same sentence to over and over just because they’re not listening. But like I said, I don’t necessarily think technology is to blame for that. Some people are just rude, and that’s not something that’s not new and exclusive with this latest generation. Great post 😊
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Thanks Sarah! You’re right there are always going to be those people who are rude or anti social, but those people had those traits anyway! 😂😂😂
But what amazes me most is the hypocrisy, how can you write an article on interaction through technology…by interacting through the use of technology! 😂😂😂
Sure there are negatives, and we are all still learning, but I think we’ll be okay as a species 😊 Thanks for your comment Sarah, it means a lot, especially as I enjoy your content so much.
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Lol, yeah, I love that kind of irony 😉
I agree, those who use it correctly will be fine. And I don’t see us all forgetting how to interact anytime soon 😊
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This is a very interesting article. Might I say well penned as well…
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Thank you so much for your kind words 😊
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Sophia Nelson says “On Twitter (my vice of choice) …. ” from that point I discounted almost everything she was saying, not because it was Twitter but because she’s using the very sites – and technology – that she says are destroying conversation and communication. If she’s so bothered, then maybe she should stop using them, herself?
I actually prefer email and blogging to in-person conversations because I’m an introvert (I know I don’t seem it, but I am) and prior to all this stuff, I used to keep in touch with people by letter rather than by phone. I don’t do terribly well with spontaneous conversation, I need to think before I speak and for me that can’t happen in face to face conversations. That’s not to say that I can’t cope with them or don’ t like them at all, just that I am out of my comfort zone when they occur.
I disagree with quite a lot of what she’s saying, though. Of course proper, face to face, communication hasn’t stopped! That’s nonsense. So… I’m agreeing with you, Ty. 🙂
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Thanks Val! A writer who talks about the way people use technology to communicate…err…uses technology to communicate? 😂😂😂
I too like email and before that I used postcards or letters to keep in touch.
I’ve always thought that if two people go out on a date and let’s say one of them is on the phone all the time…that person is just rude! The phone is just a tool, in the same way people used to read over sized broadsheet newspapers to isolate themselves.
I think if you’re in conversation with someone you know when to put your phone down, not to mention its also great to sit in the company of silence and not feel like you have to communicate. 😌
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I love being able to sit in silence with people…. but isn’t it rare to find people who are comfortable with that, don’t you find?
Is ‘the phone’ really a phone anymore? That’s what I wonder. It’s become like the TV for people who would have it on day and night, regardless of what they were doing.
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It’s how we sustain the fire…love that line! I’m like you, grew up obtaining and sustaining relationships the old-fashioned way. It was a much simpler time for us but you do make a good point; personal, human interactions might be diluted a lot but they are still necessary to keep relationships going.
Also, with the throwbacks! Nokia 3310 and speed dating! Hahaha good stuff man.
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