Reading the blogs of others often ignites the flames of inspiration and in this instance I just happened to be reading the wonderful words from BeautyBeyondBones 10 Things I’d Say to 15-Year-Old Me which was a delightful insight into the things that BeautyBeyondBones would say to her younger self.
Which got me thinking…
If I was Marty Mcfly and mad scientist Doc Brown was able to create a time machine that could take me back, I might skip the opportunity to give myself advice in my teens. In fact, I think my 16 year old self would fall too deep in shock witnessing a future self that physically looks more like his absent father then he ever anticipated! It’s safe to say socially awkward 16 year old me would be both hesitant and very dubious of any information that current me would give so I would have to be more selective in choosing which past self I should visit.
I experienced a significantly dark depression during my early 30’s therefore a visit back to the year 2007; letting me know I would eventually find the strength to re-emerge from the depths of depression and find my way toward the light, would have been warmly embraced! The problem being I actually needed that particularly dark period of time in my life (although I never felt that way at the time) to help shape, mould and develop my current view of the world and my fundamental belief in the endurance of the human spirit.
I would have to carefully select a time where I didn’t feel so insecure and had acquired a better understanding of the world. I would need to choose a time where I had the arrogance to believe that I knew it all, therefore I would probably use my fictional time machine to visit myself approximately this time last year…
This time last year I genuinely felt that I had a good sense of who I was because I worked so hard to find and reclaim parts of my individuality that I had lost due to self imposed, unrealistic personal ideals and various external pressures. Subconsciously I didn’t realise I was still living under the subtle aroma of mainstream society’s measure of relationship success and holding myself ransom to an impossible standard.
Mainstream society tends to treat relationships like the taste of a vintage bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon; assuming the flavour of a relationship matures and tastes better over time. Last year I also subscribed to that theory and was willing to put up with destructive behaviours simply based on the time invested, which sounds a little crazy when writing this entry but seemed to make perfect sense at the time.
So I think my 2015 self would be most receptive receiving a visit from my current self, not necessarily because my 2015 self would be looking for advice, guidance or hope but by having a simple conversation and letting me know that approximately 365 days in the future my mental and physical wellbeing would improve, my relationship circumstances would change for the better and the connection with my children would deepen.
For some reason I had unknowingly resigned myself into a mind-set that found reasons to lead me to believe that it would be futile to attempt to change my destiny. Fortunately I don’t need access to a time machine to understand that change really is possible and doesn’t always have to be epic in nature because it can also happen in the silence.
Until next time.