Let me start off by saying that I am in no way an advocate for bullying whether that be through more contemporary forms via social media or the traditional “I’ll get you after school” approach I grew up with; although (arguably) the physical threat may not be as prominent, the emotional impact of feeling intimidated and vulnerable is still very real and not something I would ever condone.
I am in no way claiming I had an enhanced sense of social awareness at a young age, but attending a single sex, testosterone fuelled, male school environment inherently came with a side culture of bullying at almost every turn. If it was your birthday you had to avoid getting punched in the arm, if you bought a new pair of shoes you had to avoid people aggressively trying to stomp on your newly acquired footwear and you were even ridiculed if your hairstyle didn’t quite align with what was in vogue at the time.
Looking back I can find some moments of joy from this period of my life and I’m not trying to give you the impression my high school days always made me feel low, but undeniably the culture of bullying only presented two options (1) hide or (2) confront. The crushed ice and lemon twist in this tale was the people who used to taunt, bully and harass me were not big intimidating brutish kids from the wrong side of the tracks but rather my first social network of…
Friends.
People I made the choice to be around and considered to be allies based on a common socio-economic and cultural shared identity, although I can’t be too hard on myself as I was only 11 years old at the time! I hung out with these people for at least the first few years of high school and was fortunate enough to come to an early realisation that most of the harassment I experienced was from a collective group of individuals I considered to be my buddies.
Even today I’m not sure if the kids I hung out with knew how they made me feel at times? Much of the negative commentary was delivered in the form of casual humour, but perhaps that’s the point?
The bullying and harassment I experienced wasn’t always from the cool kid collective who didn’t want to sit with me in the lunchtime cafeteria and the sad thing is sophisticated bullying moves way beyond the school playground and any casual or familiar readers of this blog know I make a clear distinction between a fictional media influenced reality vs the actual reality I live.
There is a lot of negativity throughout the limitless void of the internet and perhaps it’s the realistic optimist in me but I don’t fully buy the concept of an overwhelming mass of online trolls that have an insatiable appetite to bring forth negativity at every turn, because the generalisation is almost too easy?
Perhaps the term “Online Troll” should refer to a range of individuals who engage in negative online conduct, with some people who love the negative attention bad online conduct generates or others who simply aren’t mature enough to know better. What if some online bullies are perhaps victims of bullying themselves?
Again, I must reiterate, I do not discredit the bullying and harassment people genuinely experience within the online space and the associated negative consequences (even if I hadn’t recently watched 13 Reasons Why on Netflix) however I can guarantee the person negatively trolling behind the protective barrier of a screen wouldn’t have the same brash confidence, arrogance or attitude in the real world if an opportunity to sit down face to face presented itself.
I wish no one would have to experience bullying, but it is a harsh reality of the world we inhabit, unfortunately bullying is more than inflammatory comments by an anonymous online troll sometimes it’s closer than you think. So whenever you come across a troll (online or otherwise) think of yourself as the little Billy Goat Gruff from the fable written by Peter Christen Asbjørnsen, if you can’t handle a troll get assistance from someone that can and deal with the troll head on.
Until next time.
Well said.
When I started out online, a Troll was a particular type of commenter – one who stirred things for the sake of it, and most that I came across were simply juveniles who thought it was fun, but it’s come to mean something more now and there are much more vicious versions of it that most certainly do need addressing. And when people find themselves at the mercy of these people they certainly should get help and not try to tackle it by themselves.
Bullying – yeah, it can start at school and then continue but mostly when it begins at school at that age – 10, 11, 12, it’s a herd-against-the-runt or a gang-mentality that the majority of kids grow out of. I was bullied very badly when I was that age, too. Later, in my twenties one of my few friends from that time who had also been a victim of it, contacted me and she told me that once they got older, it changed – the bullying stopped. It was too late for me as I’d left after having had a kind of nervous breakdown from it all.
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Val I’m really sorry to hear that bullying had such a negative impact on you. Bullying is such a devastating thing and I’m glad people talk about it…
The thing is my experience of bullying was through people I used to socialise with, not distant online strangers. You raise a great point Val in that some bullies grow out of it and while I’ll never defend bullying I just think people should be aware that it can happen online, but it can be closer to home too.
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This was a GRAND post Ty!
While I haven’t had the honor to have much online trolls try to bring me down, I also don’t usually post anything worthy of someone’s idiot words – but I am sure I have had someone be negative but I don’t normally take part in their nonsense unless to make my point and move along.. but occasionally you have those who will follow you because they know it annoys you and for that I am grateful no one has yet. I have been bullied up front and personal but I am sure you and anyone else who keeps up with my blog and YouTube channel know this much already, no need for details. I was not one to confront bullies who picked on me or anyone else and so my mom was always disappointed and had to sometimes fight my battles for me. Now, well now, I think I have a voice but not sure how far I will go to defend myself unless I absolutely had to in order to escape the situation. I was a bullying at some point in my life and shame on me for thinking karma wouldn’t bite me in the ass. lol.
I also watched 13 reasons why on Netflix. We can discuss our thoughts on it at some point, I would like that.
Also, I have some news for ya, and want your opinion but that can be discussed at some point as well. lol
Shay-lon
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I’ll have to admit that online bullying hasn’t really touched my life at all, so it took me a while to understand how anyone could be effected by a person they never see?
Bullying was very physical when I was at school, but like you Shay-lon I would always try to avoid confrontation, but it was difficult to avoid negative comments from people I thought were my friends.
I will email you my thoughts on 13 Reasons Why, because I thought she only had 2 reasons (but that wouldn’t make good television)
I look forward to hearing your news! 😊😊😊
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I am glad that it hasn’t touched you yet as well. I know there are tons of movies based on online bullying and the harm it can do to our mental state and the levels people go to in order to avoid it all together, which usually ends up being suicide, sadly.
I guess every situation is different. I think that is why I don’t get effected by online trolls because in more cases they live far away anyways and I won’t see them in person.. it would be different if I see them on a more daily basis.
I am eager to read your thoughts on the show, and I know many people who think she didn’t have as many reasons as the show came up with.
Shay-lon
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