You may find it hard to believe but this post has probably been one of the most challenging entries to write, but when I decided to gatecrash the house party of blogging I promised myself I wouldn’t shy away from any issue I felt I wanted to explore, no matter how controversial and I want the integrity of this blog to live or die by that conceptual sword.
Somes posts don’t take me too long to write (although you would never know from my output) while others require that I swim through the vast ocean of Google’s search results, in order to present a slightly more informed perspective as the issue of transgender is something I’m not sure I will ever fully understand, even though I am the man who wrote…
“To my limited understanding a transgender person is an individual who feels at their core they identify with the opposite gender. I support anyone who wants to take a step closer to being an authentic representation of themselves, I am just not well versed enough in the issues of transgender to really speak about it any great detail. That’s not to say I believe you must go through a similar experience to relate to one, however the issue of transgender is a very particular and personal one.”
I recently read an article that kick-started the cogs of my thought process; stating that a growing number of parents, teachers and experts are of the opinion we need to raise children within a “gender neutral” culture. As a parent of two sons and a daughter estimated to arrive within this reality in a few short months, I wonder if I should have a more gender-neutral approach to raising my beloved offspring.
I am going to carefully extract “sexual orientation“ from the equation, as who a person is attracted to is not something that has any particular relevance here. My emphasis for this post is on gender identity and the stage mainstream society has set up when its citizens bask in the spotlight.
I have no problem with men and women inherently possessing different behaviours or characteristics and depending on the source you read that is either quite a large or comparatively small difference, but a difference does exist and its very important that it isn’t dismissed, even if we want to live in a gender-neutral utopia.
The gender-neutral concept is an interesting one because I think it only works if it remains in harmony with people who are gender specific, otherwise how would an individual know they want to identify as a man or women (or decide they don’t want to identify as either) if they have no frame of reference? The beauty of a free thinking, progressive society is that we want to encourage and develop individuality that is cohesive, therefore I’m not sure if I want to “neutralise” the traditional gender structure within any society because the heterosexual experience is fundamental for the continuation of our species.
At this point you are free to question my sentiment and perhaps even ask yourself “So are you saying that you want to live in a world where men and women live within socially regulated existence?”
Coming from the man who thinks the 1983 classic Its Raining Men is one of the greatest dance songs of all time and Disney’s Tangled being one of my favourite animated films, it might be a little hypocritical of me, but I want to live in a world where my offspring have the freedom to explore who they are without any externally imposed expectations based on oestrogen or testosterone levels to limit opportunity.
I have no problem with the rise of gender-neutral bathrooms (they are so much cleaner!) or women’s only gyms, if it gives an individual more choice, but I would prefer a gender inclusive world that provides equal opportunities while accepting physical and behavioural differences do exist.
Perhaps I’m getting too caught up on the terminology? I can appreciate the term “gender neutral” is designed to give opportunities to all genders to explore their potential within society, but I don’t want that neutrality to come at the cost of robbing traditional gender behaviours of their inherent identity.
Until next time.
An Inviting Piece of the Pie 
Ty,
It has been a while since I have a left a comment on your post, been on IG more often than not and I came by this particular post today. I will be honest in saying that I didn’t expect you to write such a piece and as always it was well written no matter the length.
Gender identity is huge, a HUGE deal among the gay community. We used to live in an era where we had these “gender norms” & gender roles we had to fill because of who we are (male or female) it was expected that females act like ladies and dress as so and males had to be the bread winners and work; women were supposed to have dinner done and stay at home to tend to the kids, while men could go about life as such however they wanted to. Now taking all of those things out of the equation – we have the right to identify with whatever makes us comfortable and this post hits home for me because I am an advocate for transgender rights and equality among the human race.
You see, while I am not transgender, growing up, I identified more with the male characteristics when it came to clothing and how I carried myself and that could have been due to the fact I was a tomboy and grew up with a brother but I think deeper than that, I think it had to do with the fact that I didn’t like the expectations I had to hold as a female. It was a lot, having to look “pretty”, having to dress girly and having to play with dolls and dollhouses in order to fit the norms. I didn’t realize then like I do now that what I identified with and who I am were two different things. It is no wonder why I always felt extra weird in my own skin. These days, I am not as tomboy, but I still have a masculinity about me that I portray and while I may not wear men’s clothing or want to have a sex change of any sorts, I still manage to feel more comfortable as “one of the guys”, if this makes sense. I can dress as feminine as possible and wear make up and still my glowing male characteristics might show in my confidence or how I walk or possibly in my actions depending on the circumstances. I am proud as female, however, I don’t shy away from my masculine traits because they are what make me, me.
Thank you for sharing your ideas and thoughts on the gender identity topic, very important topic in my opinion 🙂
Shay-lon
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To be honest I almost deleted the post, I just wanted to get the balance right.
If you think of me as the other side of the coin, I don’t drink beer or follow a sports team, I love housework (crazy right! 😊) but I still love being a man, even though some could say I have feminine qualities?
Some men love football, cars and beer. Some women love shoes, handbags and make up. Cool. Because being a man or woman is exactly what you want it to be, which should be free of societal expectations.
I want a gender inclusive word where we are free to be who we are no matter what our gender, but I think that means respecting those differences rather than neutralising them.
I see you on IG Shay-lon! And your fitness success and ever growing following is incredible!
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Hey Ty!
I am so happy you didn’t delete this post, so very happy! I liked it very much so 🙂 It was a nice chat and a great insight in your own little thoughts. Have you ever thought of yourself weird because you have what the world would consider more feminine hobbies? or was it something that was always normal to you?
P.S Appreciate it! My IG grows faster than my hair does! lmfao
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Hey Tyrone:)
This is a really great post, and it’s nice to hear your honest concerns (if you would call them that) about gender roles.
I think I do know where you’re coming from. However, what I would say about raising children as gender neutral is that it’s more about giving them the choice to do as they please, rather than feeling they have to fit into certain roles and expectations. As to your concerns about the survival of the race, I don’t think you need to worry, no matter how much we question gender-people will always feel the urge to reproduce:)
I’m sorry I have misunderstood, I would love to talk to you some more about it!:)
Bea
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Bea, I sincerely appreciate your point of view, because I read an article and saw your post a few days later, which got me thinking about the issue.
Truth is my opinion isn’t fully formed yet, so I am certainly open to more understanding, which is why I wanted your thoughts.
Hope all is going well with your studies 😊
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It’s no problem whatsoever, I love reading your posts. It’s good to question, and to want to know more before you make a final decision-even to remain open minded. That’s what makes the world work. You are clearly very morally aware-it’s obvious that you always want to act with the best intentions, and I find that really admirable. And thank you! 🙂
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You say: “The gender-neutral concept is an interesting one because I think it only works if it remains in harmony with people who are gender specific, otherwise how would an individual know they want to identify as a man or women (or decide they don’t want to identify as either) if they have no frame of reference?”
I’ve known a few transexuals and have a friend who has more than one in his family. As far as I know, most transexuals are aware that they are in the wrong gender body from an early age, most from before puberty, so it’s not a case of identifying via an external frame of reference, but one of feeling that their manifestation of physical organs is wrong for how they feel inside. And that ‘feeling inside’ is the same one that tells any of us what gender we are – without looking in a mirror or even looking around ourselves at others.
That said, I do think it’s possible to misread some signs, for instance, I’m not sure that this family have correctly read their child’s gender signals: https://raisingmyrainbow.com (if you look for the start of their journey to raise this child, you might see what I mean).
The concept of a gender-neutral world is odd to me, as I have two entirely different perceptions of it. There’s the one that’s intended to remove masculine and feminine stereotyping, such as (but not limited to) not aiming pink toys or clothes only at girls or blue toys or clothes only at boys, and I agree with that, though I still think boys and girls should be free to choose the colours, etc, that they prefer and not have their parents blamed for a wrong choice if the girl actually wants to wear pink, etc. Then there’s the one of removing the ideas of masculinity and femininity completely, just because it ‘seems’ socially fairer. I’m not in agreement with that as then those people who want – as you do – to identify with a more traditional gender role, are going to be ostracized.
To my mind, the thing that should happen is that people should be allowed to be the individuals that they were meant to be, to make their own choices and not to be forced by society or government into a mould they don’t want to be in.
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I’ll admit that perhaps I’m not as informed on the transgender experience as I would like and my opinion is still very much in development. I think what I was trying to say in that paragraph was once you are aware of gender (even as a young child, who feels trapped in the wrong body) I assume that is based on an internal feeling that is developed by external influences (like perhaps the media, local community or certain behaviours that are commonly associated with a specific gender?)
So in some ways a transgender individual may need that external information to inform and support what they feel as soon as they are old enough to become aware of it? But I do get that the “gender neutral” term is meant to give open and fair opportunities for all people (especially young children) so we all feel valued.
I will start reading the link you gave me, because hopefully the more I read about it, the more I will understand, but like you said Val I don’t want peoples choices to be forced by society or government.
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