“Too proper for the black kids, too black for the Mexicans

Too square to be a hood n****, what’s normal anyway?

Too opinionated for the pacifist, too out of touch to be in style

Too broke for the rich kids, I don’t know what normal is..”

Miguel – What’s Normal Anyway

It’s often when I least expect it I’ll capture random bolts of inspiration, and tonight’s episode has been inspired by the latest smooth R&B offerings from Miguel’s aptly titled song “What’s normal anyway” off his most recent album. That’s the great thing about good music when it takes hold you have no choice but to succumb to its seductive melodies. But the lyrics did get me to thinking…

What is normal anyway?

I am fortunate enough to randomly be born into a society that upholds the idea of freedom of thought and expression. A society that promotes the idea that you should be respected regardless of sexual orientation, melanin content or the random distribution of the Y chromosome, yet there is an unspoken scent that encourages us to try and fit a standardised mould…to be normal?

At present, I have two wonderful children out of wedlock and have somehow managed to clock up over 15 years within my relationship…and although I would deem that to be quite a success (especially in an age that acknowledges gay partnerships and civil unions) people still refer to the mother of my children as my “wife”…a title that is neither wanted, needed or encouraged.

“When are you going to get married?” Is probably the number one question I get asked since joining club 30 something…and still I don’t quite understand why. I can appreciated that a huge celebration, declaration and legal validity may make things feel more concrete, but I have yet to understand why an “official union” would give one type of relationship more gravitas than another.

This isn’t the part where I bring in statistics to support my point of view and although personally I don’t want to enter the complexities of that particular minefield I don’t knock the institution or Disney’s portrayal of it. But surely I should be free to live in a world where just because I state that I am in a relationship with a partner without the aid of marriage…I shouldn’t need to justify it?

A successful relationship by any standard is going to have daunting highs and euphoric lows no matter what the legal status… Funny thing is… While writing this the U.S Supreme Court recently ruled that same sex marriage is legal across all 50 of their United States…and that’s great. So now a wider portion of the population can have their love institutionalised by society…but can love in any relationship be confined to just one mainstream, socially acceptable outcome?

Love is such an intangible, ever evolving phenomenon, it’s almost impossible to apply logic to something that is so specific to an individual. This most recent ruling in the U.S does at least provide an additional relationship option for those who want to take it…and I think the message at the beating heart of this blog post entry is…we should all have the right to explore relationships and options that intuitively feel best for us…my version of normal is mine, your version of normal is yours…because after all…

What is normal anyway?

Until next time