When I hear the term high-value man, I almost immediately start feeling light-headed and queasy because I can already smell the potent aroma of mainstream commercial criteria mixed with unrealistic expectations. But apparently, high-value men exist, so I thought I might as well explore the concept and see if I meet the entry requirements to get into the club.
“A high-value man is the epitome of masculinity, leadership, charm, and sophistication. He is a man of means and influence, loved by women, revered by men, and moves gallantly through the challenges of life with courage and pride.”
I tend to move through personal challenges with frustration and anxiety, so already I know I’ll falter before reaching the high-value gate; however, it is my understanding the term was coined by the late Kevin Samuels, a (somewhat) controversial relationship guru, who gave online relationship advice to single women. Although it’s interesting to note, Mr. Samuels kept much of his own romantic life private. I have seen a few interviews featuring the late Mr. Samuels and it’s fair to say his advice tended to be for women targeting an upper echelon of men who move within a specific socio-economic demographic; a realm I may only be able to reach in the dreams of my dreams.
Depending on the source material, you can find various definitions and articles on what a high-value man is, but from what I understand it’s pretty much a Disney prince on steroids. The few articles I have read would suggest the modern woman seeks the characteristics of a man that is emotionally intelligent, earns a six-figure salary while being confidant, assertive, a great conversationalist, dominant and so well-groomed that, even on an off day, he can still qualify for the cover of GQ magazine.
So, as I look back in awe and wonder at the voluptuous body of my own relationship experience, the truth is, I have more failures on my resume than successes. Yet, despite navigating a turbulent relationship sea, I’ve somehow been able to swim to the shores of a happy marriage. That is not to say “marriage” alone is the ultimate destination, but I have been able to attain this position with no obvious high-value status to speak of. Having had a range of connections, associations, and encounters over time, I can honestly say the cultivation, development, and growth of any of my relationships had little or nothing to do with my salary, profession, home, car, designer wardrobe, cologne or muscle tone and yet I was still able to secure a meaningful relationship and a lifetime commitment with a wonderful partner.
But how is that even possible?
I think part of it is due to honing my mating skills at a time before social media had been conceived, where success or failures were based in the grimy mud pit of a physical, real-world experience. Allowing me to tune into the frequency of my inter-personal capabilities; similarly to the way I used to slowly turn the dial to tune into the frequency of my favourite FM radio station…and yes…I appreciate some of my casual audience might be a little too young to understand the FM radio reference.😉
Due to my cardiac response to rejection, I had no choice but to go into the trenches and work even harder to elicit a genuine smile, tell a joke so bad it was strangely good, tweak the order of songs for a perfect playlist and attempt to make the object of my affection fall so deeply into an ocean of conversation, time itself would have no relevance. Yet, you’ll never see any of these attributes listed as necessary or relevant to men of high value. What I find more interesting is why none of these articles about high-value men are written by…err… high-value men? Why are the articles written by journalists who wouldn’t qualify for the high-value criteria they are promoting?
It’s odd to me that within a relationship any individual would want to embark on the journey when the destination has been reached? If you’re able to engage in a relationship with a high-value individual, then what do you offer the person who already has everything?
I have no problem with personal preference and if an individual wants to engage in a relationship with a roving eye to improve their socioeconomic status, I take no issue with that. But I’m just not sure the way forward is to keep raising the bar to mythological standards that Gods struggle to attain. It isn’t that social media and technological advancements have no value, but the injection of external high-value criteria doesn’t guarantee a fulfilling relationship. It’s exposure to the little things over time that develops an understanding of a significant other which has the potential to branch out into crazy outcomes like improved communication, mutual respect, compassion, trust, and humour.
If you ask anyone that has been in a long (or short) term relationship, they are not the easiest of yellow brick roads to follow, cautionary common sense must be applied. The beating heart of genuine, authentic, social connection has been around far longer than the impulsive screams of social media. I can appreciate there is no “one size fits all approach” however the “high-value man” is about as real as an alien being from Krypton landing in the American Midwest, deciding to wear a skin-tight blue outfit with a red cape and a symbolic “S” on his chest…it’s a wonderful, entertaining, fantastical concept but there is no precedent for such a being within our actual reality.
Until next time.
Ty, you are so SPOT on with this reflection. In my early 20’s I dated what fits this “high value man” profile (at least he thought so), and I WASTED 4.5 years of my life trying to become something he thought I should be. Right before I dumped his ass, I met a man that didn’t exactly rate a “high value man,” but who was interested in what I had to say. In October that will be over 35 years ago, and we have been married for 29. Social media has turned our minds into absolute mush when it comes to what the “ideal” man or woman should be. I warn my children EVERY SINGLE DAY to ignore the crap on Instagram, and live their lives more genuinely. My daughter has definitely been more influenced than my son, but both are exposed to bullshit in every area of their lives. My idea of an “ideal” man isn’t someone who belongs in GQ, makes a million dollars and certainly not “revered” but all men and women. My husband is smart, funny, articulate and appreciates me for who I am, not what I should be. Life should not be defined by these ridiculous standards; relationships are hard work that take time and patience, and not always about money and status. That stuff just doesn’t matter. If you are happy with yourself and enjoying time with your partner, it so doesn’t matter whether or not they’ve ticked all the boxes. Love this article, and very much appreciate your take on it. As always my friend, you have shared a very important topic and shed some serious light on it!!!!