In some ways this is the spiritual sequel to my last post High-Value Man? Damn! I Didn’t Get The Memo! as in that post I was mulling over what the term “high-value man” meant and its minimal impact on my actual lived experience. It was while doing research for that post I accidently tripped and fell onto, another lazy, generic, bite-sized term applied to simplify the complex nature of men known as…
After digging a little deeper, I discovered my lived experience did hold quite a few commonalities with the plight of a Simp, at least in terms of dating strategies that I had devised. According to the infinite wisdom of Google…
“Simp is a slang insult for men who are seen as too attentive and submissive to women, especially out of a failed hope of winning some entitled sexual attention or activity from them.”
Before we dive in, it’s probably worthy to note, I see nothing wrong with being attentive, although whenever I’ve attempted to secure the affections of another, I never subscribed to the belief I was entitled to a reciprocal emotional exchange. Feeling a woman should give me what I rightly “deserved” was never an issue because I genuinely believe (and still do) that I had to put in the groundwork.
I was never going to meet anyone dreaming about romantic hypotheticals or pre-determined destinies. I confess, my hormone fuelled principles were steeped in a thick haze of moral ambiguity; yet I offer no insincere apologies. I was young, free and single and if the circumstances of being with a potential romantic partner were less than favourable (for example, if a person was already in a relationship) that wouldn’t stop me nor my ego from navigating the bridge over troubled water. I was a man of limited resources, so trying to present the illusion of having an abundance of wealth made about as much sense as slapping comedians at award shows for making GI Jane references about my wife.
Moving within the maze known as the “friend zone” provided me with the best opportunity to get to know someone in a risk adverse environment. But I couldn’t be seduced by the safety of the friend zone for too long because I wanted that foundational friendship to grow and develop into more personable.
I find it’s almost too easy to ridicule the idea of a Simp, we must never forget the atomic bomb of romantic rejection is f*cking brutal and will obliterate all the self-esteem and confidence housed within a hundred block radius. Yet amid the destruction somehow an individual must find a way to withstand the post-apocalyptic devastation and delicately excavate through the ruins, in the hope of finding hope. I think a significant proportion of women fail to realise, no matter the confidence level, for many men, putting yourself on the front line makes a person feel a strange dichotomy of invincibility and vulnerability.
While I’m clearly not a fan of the term nor the characterisation, I have a natural affinity for Simps who are doing everything within their power to attain affections of a female without violating the laws of mutual consent. It’s possible Madonna was right because we are living in a material world and that sentiment has permeated the consciousness of mainstream culture, so why wouldn’t a guy shower a girl with lavish gifts in the hopes that it could lead somewhere? Or perhaps more importantly, why ridicule a man for trying?
It was my severe lack of confidence that meant I picked up conversation and humour as my tools for connection; admittedly, this was not a fool proof plan and lead to many an awkward exchange but my methodology was able to garner more success than failure, as I realised that I didn’t have to pour ALL my romantic emotions into another person and was allowed to keep a large cup of love for myself.
The digital world tends to be a little too sensitive for my taste, so I’m not suggesting there should be any type of victimhood attached to the dating life of the modern man, because you certainly have to develop a resilience toward rejection as everyone has romantic/relationship criteria that is specific to them. And while every person designs a customised approach, some men need time and we’ve all got to start somewhere, right?
The problem with any stereo type or broad classification is, you will always find a suspect that fits the description, the trick is to look at the reality, diversity and nuance of the people you know in the real world and step away from the extreme, polarised, ubiquitous caricatures and terminology created within the digital space. I have sympathy for Simps because my natural sensibilities align with their cause, but if you are a single person sitting in the airport lounge of the friendship zone, you must attempt to board the plane, withstand the turbulence so any potential relationship can either crash and burn…
Or take flight.
Until next time.